SEVEN DEADLY SINS: WHY SHOULD GIRLS BE MADE AGENTS OF SATAN

I believe, this universe was not supposed to make any sense. I mean, if something whose start was nothing but a big unexplained blast, should we expect any sense in it. But still we are always told that this world is a balanced act. For every positively charged proton, there are equal number of negative electrons, if not, it leads to instability. Some quantum physicists at CERN, Switzerland have even proved that there is something called antimatter produced during the big bang which is supposed to balance out matter. So even if the physics continues to claim the existence of The Balanced Stability, it perplexes me. OK. OK. Every pure science be it physics, chemistry or mathematics, perplexes my sparrow-sized brain but it is a different concept here. Let us see it theologically, for God there is Satan to balance him out. But where he has been really? We have so much from the God: the Holy Scriptures, temples, mosques, churches, religious chants, but what about the Satan? Has he really got a chance to balance God? I don’t think so. He has been completely rejected without even a chance to prove himself. Isn’t there relationship as complementary as that of Batman & the Joker in The Dark Knight where Joker told Batman famously, “You complete me?” I think God has a got a Better Public Relations officer than the Satan who ensures that God gets ample publicity. And then there are God’s icons in this world-the holy men, Priests, Gurus Etc. So I thought who can be appointed as Satan’s icon on this earth & I think only one community qualifies for that- The college students. And in the college students, girls are far better sinners. Boys are no match for girls in this department. They should be made Satan’s icons. You know why? All of you must’ve heard of the seven deadly sins as told in Christianity. A person who commits these sins is regarded as evil. So who else than the girl college students qualify for that. Have a look:

1. Luxuria (Extravagance): Aren’t the college students extravagance personified? They will have all the branded clothing [Even if it doesn’t fit], latest 3G cell phones [While the parents live with Nokia 1100], expensive Coffees at Café Coffee day & Barista [Even if they don’t know the ingredients], & useless trips on automobiles. Girls score far more heavily than boys in this category with their useless cosmetics which they buy fooled by extensive marketing campaigns, beauty parlor visits [Which should be named as plastic parlors] & all the useless clothing.
2. Gula (gluttony): Do I even need to say anything? Gluttony & girls are synonyms. You know when boys go to the market; they have a diversified agenda from checking out girls to latest cars but what about girls. They have only two aims- Shopping & Eating. So that qualifies them for both the first sin & this one too.
3. Avaritia (avarice/greed): Here comes the tricky ones! Believe me I am not as big misogynist as u may think. Greed cannot be specified to any particular sex. It is too universal for that. In fact greed is a very individualistic attribute & varies person to person. So I’ll not say any sex has edge on the other in this category. We have a tie here.
4. Scoria (sloth): Now some people may argue that boys are bigger sloth than the girls. But I’ll say that if you’ve any doubt just visit the hostels of a professional college on a weekend. While the boys will be found busy in all kind of ventures [Even if the ventures are liquor parties]; the girls will be found just lazing around & gossiping. Not that I’ve had any chance to go inside a girls hostel, I am not that lucky, but you can see for yourself.
5. Ira (wrath): Anger. It another character which is doubtful. Both the sexes are equally affected by it. But while the boy’s anger is manifested only under intoxication, girl’s anger is more easily displayed. Ask any poor road Romeo who was abused severely by his Juliet in his pursuance of love. I am myself ready to back it at any court of law due to my personal experiences. But still no preference will be given to any sex according to me.
6. Invidia (envy): What will you say now? People will argue the example of Othello to discredit girl’s claim in envy but for every poor Othello, there are millions of girls, just excellent in file of envy. Her Boyfriend has better physique than mine. Her fairness cream must be more effective than mine. Her figure is not natural; it is fake. Girls ask yourself.
7. Superbia (pride): Ha Ha Ha! Now what? Pride is easily one character where there is no doubt at all. Because why should boys have any pride. Beauty, self-restrain, poise, grace, these all are characteristics of girls, and boys don’t have them. So only girls should have the pride.

So Five out of seven. Girls beat the boys in five out of the seven sins. It doesn’t leave any doubt as who should be made the Satan’s agent. Now I don’t want hate mail from girls in my inbox. I am already at the top position in hate list of many girls. Any doubts? Ask my classmates from school to college. My point is just very simple. Satan must be given a chance & what better way than to make girls his agent. Aren’t the women better human resource personnels in corporate than men. They will make excellent PR officers for him. I always end my articles with God bless you! But today I’ll say may the Satan Bless you!

Post Script:
1. To God: All the ideas in the above article are purely fiction & any attempts at blasphemy would be completely coincidental. Please forgive me.
2. To Girls: I’ll always be a staunch feminist & this article is only another proof.
3. To other readers: Don’t let my girlfriend read this article because after all she is a girl.